My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize