i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
