I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
