now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
