So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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