How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
