That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
