A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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