she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
