I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
