i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
worst night to have a conscience
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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