I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
