just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
