I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
