i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
