Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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