I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
