Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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