I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
