She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
