Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
