I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
