Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
