Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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