you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
