You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
