so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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