i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
