Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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