babies were throwing up all over the place
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I could fuck to npr.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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