So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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