Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
