the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
