Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
