Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
