Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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