i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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