dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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