found the other keg... it's in the tree
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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