I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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