broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
