so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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