She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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