I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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