her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
