he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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