Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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