apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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