I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize