Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The beer is more important than you right now.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
