Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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