she smelled like a LAN party
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
