I wanna passion pit in your ass
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
