Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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