Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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