Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
