I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
