do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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