Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
