How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
