Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
