I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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