I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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