he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
FUCK WHALES
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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