I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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