So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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