then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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