It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
