my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
