I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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