I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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