Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
